Today I won’t beat you stories of giants but a real life experience I went through last year with my good friend Wanjohi. Maybe you have had another version from him. I know he never closes mouth about false ordeal we have been through. Both real or fake but I still like him as a friend anyway.
This one happened last year and its good you hear this from the source.
I tell you Kampala is where real party goes down. If you never step there you don’t know what is to party. In Kampala after darkness devil come down in full armour. If Tusker was sold there it would have real meaning of its motto ‘baada ya kazi’coz after 5pm people have nothing to think about except waragi and muclimbano. Waragi for those who don’t know is their local version of our chang’aa only that there they have no Mututho and people drink upto tomorrow.
So last year me and my friend wanjohi decided to visit the land where women protest by showing their brookies to the public. I suppose it’s their local version of Ester Murugi minister of internal displacement removing skirts. Only that the land of museveni women protest by showing their brookie and police are damn enough to touch small small like they want to climb. They should try it here for Iteere boys who never see brookside often.
I can’t really remember why we were leaving Nairobi for Kla but had idea to go survey what business could make us millionaires with the new EAC almost opening the region. But for me it was different, money or no money I was looking forward to climb there as I had heard many srories from my workmate who went to read Makerere.
Those days Makerere was No1 university East africa. I hear they went to school together with uncle of wanjohi who now leaves behind University of Nairobi.
When my workmate heard we going kla he told me ‘mutongoria Uganda niui niku kuu urenda guthii? Kuu ahiki makoragwo mekuo muno,matina manene na matiri mwitio. No wimenyerere karigi’ (Leader you is know Uganda? But persons there have big thutha and have no selfish with climbing. Aids is many) that statement made it worse especially when I hear person remove thuruari even to strangers and have no selfish like here.
All I was advised is to speak little Swahili and they start salivating like they have seen tourist. This was my last hope that assured me of muclibano bigtime in land of matoke.
A clever person has no given of news. The day came and I withdrew all my salary from bank to last coin. We board flight 540 and were there in Kampala in about 1hr 30min. We take taxi with wanjohi till Kampala Road and went to Sheraton hotel.
I could not stop staring at receptionist who was yellow yellow, good hair and chest like for borrowing. We book room for two people. We stay together for three days because we fear security. We got to room at around 4 pm and go to bath and rest small.
That eve at around 9pm we decide to go have supper. We left room and went to street and didn’t know where to go. So me being the brighter one of us called a bodaboda and try ask him direction. That’s when it dawn to me that in Kla they don’t speak swahili despite being in East Africa.
Plus their English can make teacher who taught me English of borrowing water faint. Heavy accent like that of full full condition played at classic 105. So I try small kiganda taught by my workmate ‘ssebo mussaja tugenda food’ and pointed stomach. He muffled something about Kenyans and rode away before I could say anything.
We walk small and I call another bodaboda who was chewing miraa many. I said the same thing and he gave us sign to hop on his bike. We rode for about 5 minutes and stop near a club called Calif. Outside was written nyama choma and immediately started walking in before he called us to pay. I gave him 20k Ugshs and he gave me 10k as my change.
I proceed to enter behind wanjohi. Inside we met many people Kenyans eating nyama choma. I soon got to understand Calif is a base for kenyans in Kampala though nyama is small and badly burnt compared to the one we eat at Magomano downtown of Nairobi.
We finish eat meat and ask for two two each for dropping meat in stomach. Lucky they stock Pilsner and Tusker before we try the local stuff. Soon I start to feel lonely and wanjohi read what I was up to. He point at two persons of out sitting next table and immediately ask waiter to give them what they were drinking. I see them smile and both rise to join our table. Later we learnt they are pupils of Kampala International University and were just about to leave.
We get to know each other small and drunk saved the moments as I gave them stories of giants. I pointed at my friend wanjohi and told one person sitted close to me in greek ‘Uyu niwe muriu wa wambui uria uiguaga,ithe niwe mutongoria witu na kwao ni Nyiri. (This is son of Wambui,dad is our leader and come from Nyeri’ I see person smile small and close one eye at me. Then I add ‘sisi ni wageni huku,turutaga wira na High Commission. Twi on a diplomatic mission’
Soon they tell us they want to show us where real party is. We take taxi to a place called kabalagala near Kampala International University. There clubs are many and we enter punchline pub. We drink small and this time persons were liking us small small.
I look at mine and we dance small then we sit down and I try to borrow things. She say she can bring me person to climb if I want since her month was almost. Short time pass and another person of out join us. She speaks only English and I call waiter to serve her. Money was no problem.
We drink many and enjoy ourselves with those persons. I look wanjohi with corner of my eye and I see him ok with his trapper. In kampala we do not do equal equal when buying beer. I ask for a round of two twos and my friend do same. We happy. Small time I switch and try drink Nile beer. I drink 1 and I get courage to borrow things from the kamganda person. I see she look me with vagina of eye and direct my hand to touch tiita small. I feel warmth and signal my friend we go room I want to climb. We boarded taxi and left for hotel at around 5 am.
We got to the hotel with all three persons. Beer is for devil but sometimes it saves many cowards like me. First I was able to borrow with my few English and allowed me to touch tiita in taxi and kiss that trapper small small. All her brookie was out with all bra open. I was almost climb her in car. We entered hotel and paid extra cash after begging manager to allow extra guests.
I was almost sure we would climb all together,after all bad hole is only for snake. We entered our rooms and I got busy with my person while wanjohi was busy with the other one. Only one who say have month remain untouched. What happened remains a story of another day. We woke up at 5 pm hungry and no clothes.
Room is empty with all money and phones gone. Those pesrons of out were nowhere to be seen. I tried remember what happened but where all head was blank. There was makobosto lying on the floor signs that we had at least climbed. Only that we refuse to know what really happened. We talk to manager of Hotel in shame and gave us food and phone to send money from Nairobi.
That night we walk to where calif was to try if we get those persons. There were many kenyans and couldnt tell if those trappers were there. Small time we tell waiter who served us last night our fate. He tell us many people come with a similar story everyday. Those two are among many Kenyans who go to uganda to read but end up dropping school. All they do is trap and steal from others who are new in Kampala.
For the next two days wanjohi kept blaming me for being hungry and wanting to climb strangers. Me I see no problem coz when you go to new country to visit the first thing you do is climb and feel if those persons are different from those at home. We stay in room and walk around Kampala small till money was sent through Akamba bus service. And thats how our trip was cut short In the land of wanting another rap.
Next time i go there I must get those trappers and buy them beer coz they played swift and stole from us.
Yours Truly